By Elizabeth Pantley, author of
Gentle Baby Care
Question: We're expecting our first baby soon and
thinking about using a family bed. We've done a lot of
research on the "whys" and there's lots of information out
there. But what about the practical tips? How do we set
things up?
Learn about it
The family bed, co-sleeping, shared sleep no matter what you
call it, it means that your baby sleeps with you, or very
close to you. The family bed is becoming more and more
common (or perhaps it's always been common but more people
are now talking about it.) Sharing sleep is very popular
with parents (particularly nursing mothers) of young babies
who wake throughout the night, since it allows parents to
avoid getting up out of bed and traveling up and down a dark
hallway. Co-sleeping is popular also with parents of older
babies who enjoy the nighttime closeness with their child.
There are as many different styles of family beds as there
are families! Here are a few of the typical sleeping
arrangements:
The family bed: Parents and baby sleep together in
one bed usually king-sized.
Side-by-side: The child sleeps on a separate mattress
or futon on the floor next to the parent's bed.
Sidecar: A cradle or crib is nestled adjacent to the
parent's bed, sometimes with one side of the crib removed.
Shared room: The baby and parents have separate beds
in the same room.
The use of these arrangements varies from home to home also.
Some of the common sleep situations are:
Shared sleep with the baby during the night and for
naps.
Part-time shared sleep for either naps or nighttime
only, or some of both, with baby in a crib, cradle or other
place for other sleep times.
Mom's dual beds is a common setup in which Mommy has
one place where she sleeps with the baby, and another where
she sleeps with her husband. She moves back and forth
between beds based on how often the baby wakes up and how
tired she is on any given night.
Musical beds are a common arrangement. There are
several beds in different rooms, and parents and baby shift
from place to place depending on each evening's situation.
Occasional family bed is when the baby has her own
crib or bed but is welcomed into the parent's bed whenever
she has a bad dream, feels sick, or needs some extra cuddle
time.
Sibling bed is often a natural followup to the family
bed. Older children share sleep after they outgrow the need
for the parent's bed or the sidecar arrangement.
How to decide
Every family has different nighttime needs. There is no
single best arrangement that works for all babies and
parents. Even within a family, there may be several "right"
options to choose from. The key is to find the solution that
feels right to everyone in your family.
It's very important to eliminate your need or desire to
satisfy anyone else's perception of what you should
be doing. In other words, no matter what your in-laws, your
neighbors, your pediatrician, or your favorite author says
about sleeping arrangements, the only "right" answer is the
one that works for the people living in your home.
Making it safe
If you decide to have your baby sleep with you, either for
naps or at nighttime, you should adhere to the following
safety guidelines:
- Your bed must be absolutely safe for your
baby. The best choice is to place the mattress
on the floor, making sure there are no crevices
that your baby can become wedged in. Make
certain your mattress is flat, firm, and smooth.
Do not allow your baby to sleep on a soft
surface such as a waterbed, sofa, pillow-top
mattress, or any other flexible surface.
- Make certain that your fitted sheets stay
secure and cannot be pulled lose.
- If your bed is raised off the floor, use
mesh guardrails to prevent Baby from rolling off
the bed, and be especially careful that there is
no space between the mattress and headboard or
footboard. (Some guardrails designed for older
children are not safe for babies because they
have spaces that could entrap babies.)
- If your bed is placed against a wall or
other furniture, check every night to be sure
there is no space between the mattress and wall
or furniture where baby could become stuck.
- Infants should be placed between their
mother and the wall or guardrail. Fathers,
siblings, and grandparents don't have the same
instinctual awareness of a baby's location as
mothers do. Mothers, your little one should be
able to awaken you with a minimum of movement or
noise. If you find that you are such a deep
sleeper that you only wake when your baby lets
out a loud cry, you should seriously consider
moving Baby out of your bed, perhaps in to a
cradle or crib near your bedside.
- Use a large mattress to provide ample room
for everyone's movement.
- Consider a sidecar arrangement in which
Baby's crib or cradle sits directly beside the
main bed as one option.
- Make certain that the room your baby sleeps
in, and any room he might have access to, is
child-safe. (Imagine your baby crawling out of
bed to explore the house as you sleep. Even if
he has not done this - yet - you can be certain
he eventually will!)
- Do not ever sleep with your baby if you have
been drinking alcohol, have used any drugs or
medications, are an especially sound sleeper or
if you are suffering from sleep deprivation and
find it difficult to awaken.
- Do not sleep with your baby if you are a
large person, as a parent's excess weight has
been determined to pose a risk to baby in a
co-sleeping situation. While I cannot give you a
specific parent's weight to baby ratio, examine
how you and Baby settle in next to each other.
If Baby rolls towards you, if there is a large
dip in the mattress, or if you suspect any other
dangerous situations, play it safe and move Baby
to a bedside crib or cradle.
- Remove all pillows and blankets during the
early months. Use extreme caution when adding
pillows or blankets as your baby gets older.
Dress Baby and yourselves warmly. (A tip for
breastfeeding moms: wear an old turtleneck or
t-shirt, cut up the middle to the neckline, as
an undershirt for extra warmth.) Keep in mind
that body heat will add warmth during the night.
Make sure your baby doesn't become overheated.
- Do not wear any night-clothes with strings
or long ribbons. Don't wear jewelry to bed, and
if your hair is long, put it up.
- Don't use strong perfumes or lotions that
may affect your baby's delicate senses.
- Do not allow pets to sleep in bed with your
baby.
- Never leave your baby alone in an adult bed
unless it is perfectly safe. For example,
placing Baby on a mattress on the floor in a
childproof room, when you are nearby or
listening in with a reliable baby monitor.
- As of the now there are no proven safety
devises for use in protecting a baby in an adult
bed. However, as a result of the great number of
parents who wish to sleep safely with their
babies, a number of new inventions are beginning
to appear in baby catalogs and stores. You may
want to look into some of these nests, wedges
and cradles.
- Make sure that your young baby is sleeping
on his or her back - the safest position for
sleep.
When to make changes
Sleeping situations tend to go through a
transformation process throughout the early years of
a baby's life. Some families make a conscious
decision to co-sleep with their babies until they
feel that their children are ready for independent
sleeping. Some families make modifications as their
babies begin to sleep better at night. Other
families move their babies to cribs to accommodate a
need for private sleep. The best advice is, go with
the flow and make adjustments according to what
works best for you.
For more information
The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help
Your Baby Sleep Through the Night By
Elizabeth Pantley (McGraw-Hill/Contemporary Books,
March 2002)
Nighttime Parenting: How to Get Your Baby and
Child to Sleep By Dr. William Sears (Plume,
November 1999)
Good Nights: The Happy Parents' Guide to the
Family Bed (And a Peaceful Night's Sleep) by
Jay Gordon (Griffin Trade Paperback, July 2002)
This article is a copyrighted excerpt from Gentle
Baby Care by Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)
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