By Elizabeth Pantley, author of Gentle Baby Care
Question: We're expecting our first baby soon and thinking about using a family bed. We've done a lot of research on the "whys" and there's lots of information out there. But what about the practical tips? How do we set things up?Learn about it
The family bed, co-sleeping, shared sleep no matter
what you call it, it means that your baby sleeps
with you, or very close to you. The family bed is
becoming more and more common (or perhaps it's
always been common but more people are now talking
about it.) Sharing sleep is very popular with
parents (particularly nursing mothers) of young
babies who wake throughout the night, since it
allows parents to avoid getting up out of bed and
traveling up and down a dark hallway. Co-sleeping is
popular also with parents of older babies who enjoy
the nighttime closeness with their child.
There are as many different styles of family beds as
there are families! Here are a few of the typical
sleeping arrangements:
The family bed: Parents and baby sleep
together in one bed usually king-sized.
Side-by-side: The child sleeps on a separate
mattress or futon on the floor next to the parent's
bed.
Sidecar: A cradle or crib is nestled adjacent
to the parent's bed, sometimes with one side of the
crib removed.
Shared room: The baby and parents have
separate beds in the same room.
The use of these arrangements varies from home to
home also. Some of the common sleep situations are:
Shared sleep with the baby during the night
and for naps.
Part-time shared sleep for either naps or
nighttime only, or some of both, with baby in a
crib, cradle or other place for other sleep times.
Mom's dual beds is a common setup in which
Mommy has one place where she sleeps with the baby,
and another where she sleeps with her husband. She
moves back and forth between beds based on how often
the baby wakes up and how tired she is on any given
night.
Musical beds are a common arrangement. There
are several beds in different rooms, and parents and
baby shift from place to place depending on each
evening's situation.
Occasional family bed is when the baby has
her own crib or bed but is welcomed into the
parent's bed whenever she has a bad dream, feels
sick, or needs some extra cuddle time.
Sibling bed is often a natural followup to
the family bed. Older children share sleep after
they outgrow the need for the parent's bed or the
sidecar arrangement.
How to decide
Every family has different nighttime needs. There is
no single best arrangement that works for all babies
and parents. Even within a family, there may be
several "right" options to choose from. The key is
to find the solution that feels right to everyone in
your family.
It's very important to eliminate your need or desire
to satisfy anyone else's perception of what you
should be doing. In other words, no matter what
your in-laws, your neighbors, your pediatrician, or
your favorite author says about sleeping
arrangements, the only "right" answer is the one
that works for the people living in your home.
Making it safe
If you decide to have your baby sleep with you,
either for naps or at nighttime, you should adhere
to the following safety guidelines:
- Your bed must be absolutely safe for your
baby. The best choice is to place the mattress
on the floor, making sure there are no crevices
that your baby can become wedged in. Make
certain your mattress is flat, firm, and smooth.
Do not allow your baby to sleep on a soft
surface such as a waterbed, sofa, pillow-top
mattress, or any other flexible surface.
- Make certain that your fitted sheets stay
secure and cannot be pulled lose.
- If your bed is raised off the floor, use
mesh guardrails to prevent Baby from rolling off
the bed, and be especially careful that there is
no space between the mattress and headboard or
footboard. (Some guardrails designed for older
children are not safe for babies because they
have spaces that could entrap babies.)
- If your bed is placed against a wall or
other furniture, check every night to be sure
there is no space between the mattress and wall
or furniture where baby could become stuck.
- Infants should be placed between their
mother and the wall or guardrail. Fathers,
siblings, and grandparents don't have the same
instinctual awareness of a baby's location as
mothers do. Mothers, your little one should be
able to awaken you with a minimum of movement or
noise. If you find that you are such a deep
sleeper that you only wake when your baby lets
out a loud cry, you should seriously consider
moving Baby out of your bed, perhaps in to a
cradle or crib near your bedside.
- Use a large mattress to provide ample room
for everyone's movement.
- Consider a sidecar arrangement in which
Baby's crib or cradle sits directly beside the
main bed as one option.
- Make certain that the room your baby sleeps
in, and any room he might have access to, is
child-safe. (Imagine your baby crawling out of
bed to explore the house as you sleep. Even if
he has not done this - yet - you can be certain
he eventually will!)
- Do not ever sleep with your baby if you have
been drinking alcohol, have used any drugs or
medications, are an especially sound sleeper or
if you are suffering from sleep deprivation and
find it difficult to awaken.
- Do not sleep with your baby if you are a
large person, as a parent's excess weight has
been determined to pose a risk to baby in a
co-sleeping situation. While I cannot give you a
specific parent's weight to baby ratio, examine
how you and Baby settle in next to each other.
If Baby rolls towards you, if there is a large
dip in the mattress, or if you suspect any other
dangerous situations, play it safe and move Baby
to a bedside crib or cradle.
- Remove all pillows and blankets during the
early months. Use extreme caution when adding
pillows or blankets as your baby gets older.
Dress Baby and yourselves warmly. (A tip for
breastfeeding moms: wear an old turtleneck or
t-shirt, cut up the middle to the neckline, as
an undershirt for extra warmth.) Keep in mind
that body heat will add warmth during the night.
Make sure your baby doesn't become overheated.
- Do not wear any night-clothes with strings
or long ribbons. Don't wear jewelry to bed, and
if your hair is long, put it up.
- Don't use strong perfumes or lotions that
may affect your baby's delicate senses.
- Do not allow pets to sleep in bed with your
baby.
- Never leave your baby alone in an adult bed
unless it is perfectly safe. For example,
placing Baby on a mattress on the floor in a
childproof room, when you are nearby or
listening in with a reliable baby monitor.
- As of the now there are no proven safety
devises for use in protecting a baby in an adult
bed. However, as a result of the great number of
parents who wish to sleep safely with their
babies, a number of new inventions are beginning
to appear in baby catalogs and stores. You may
want to look into some of these nests, wedges
and cradles.
- Make sure that your young baby is sleeping
on his or her back - the safest position for
sleep.
Sleeping situations tend to go through a transformation process throughout the early years of a baby's life. Some families make a conscious decision to co-sleep with their babies until they feel that their children are ready for independent sleeping. Some families make modifications as their babies begin to sleep better at night. Other families move their babies to cribs to accommodate a need for private sleep. The best advice is, go with the flow and make adjustments according to what works best for you.
For more information
The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night By Elizabeth Pantley (McGraw-Hill/Contemporary Books, March 2002)
Nighttime Parenting: How to Get Your Baby and Child to Sleep By Dr. William Sears (Plume, November 1999)
Good Nights: The Happy Parents' Guide to the Family Bed (And a Peaceful Night's Sleep) by Jay Gordon (Griffin Trade Paperback, July 2002)
This article is a copyrighted excerpt from Gentle Baby Care by Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)